I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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