i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
