I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
wow bdsm is so cute
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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