Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
