There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I could fuck to npr.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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