allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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