Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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