Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We got so high we made milksteak
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
