I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
