i don't like sucking hair
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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