Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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