I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
high people should be assigned attendants
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
