Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
