As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
