allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I could make wine with my vomit
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
