U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
