She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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