Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
My Sexting was not on an AP level
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
