Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
look no pants
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
