If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
