it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
