Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize