her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
