I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
