Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
