Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize