I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize