Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
