Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
