So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
