Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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