My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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