A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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