I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
