If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
