So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
