Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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