direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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