Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
