guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize