Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
