even my farts smell like vagina
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
