I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
