btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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