Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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