Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
