Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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