so that wasnt chicken after all
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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