My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
