Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
