I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
