I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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