Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
