her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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