You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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