if only i could text you this smell
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
