did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
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