So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
two words...techno handjob
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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