I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
