you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
