just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
