I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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