Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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