Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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