Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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