So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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