You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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