omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
