i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
