I'm laying in your front yard are you home
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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