ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
