All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
