moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
